BATMAN: I got you flowers
CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase
CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) September 8, 2015
I had every intention of doing laundry but my cat seriously bullied me into cuddling with her. Who owns who?
— Blake Kennedy (@blake_kennedy93) September 18, 2016
*on phone* Sure I can come over! Let me–
Cat curled up on my lap: *makes throat slice gesture with claw*
No nvm, I’m just going to stay in
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) December 28, 2014
Cat just chilling in Brockley Sainsbury’s. Security tried to remove him. He sauntered straight back in. pic.twitter.com/MotEBFuzKr
— Jenny Stevens (@jenny_stevens) November 11, 2015
Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me!
Therapist: That’s pretty typical cat behavior…;.
— PRC (@PetiteRainCity) January 24, 2015
Buy armor for cats
Cat jousting tournaments
How to stop armored cats
Cat army how to stop
national guard phone #
— Frigged up Shark (@AbrasiveGhost) April 26, 2015
One time I woke up and there was a cat sleeping on my bed that I’d never seen before and I just said “oh hello” and went back to sleep.
— Baby Bionic Swayze (@buhsbaby_baby) June 7, 2015
For my cat’s birthday I’m covering my coffee table with change, bottle caps, pens & gum wrappers so he can just knock it all onto the floor.
— ðJESSIEð (@NicCageMatch) June 1, 2014
if my cat doesn’t like you then i can’t like you
sorry i don’t make the rules
— madison (@mtaucoin) June 5, 2016
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt. pic.twitter.com/45ScY3Rloe
— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) January 21, 2015
*takes picture of cat*
*shows cat the picture*
— Kelgore Trout (@KelgoreTrout) May 5, 2014
CATS: We got a lifetime of naps and belly rubs. What about you?
HUMANS: Superior intellect
C: Cool what’s it for?
H: Math and feeling bad
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) September 21, 2014
Saying “Bless You” out loud when my cat sneezes makes me
— Amy Miller (@amymiller) November 16, 2015
When your girlfriend goes out of town and tells you “don’t forget to feed our cat.” pic.twitter.com/cJk1VRVzUQ
— Chase Stout (@ChaserStout) September 26, 2016
Hey sorry I’m late, I had to hold my cat like a baby.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 10, 2015
Sorry I didn’t pick up when you called, I was reenacting funny Broad City bits for my cat
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) October 22, 2015
Me: *says we should not be slaves to the economy *
Also me: *bought a heart bowl and chicken sticks for my cat’s birthday *
— CrÃªpes (@nosdamae) August 3, 2016
My relationship with my cat is like when Leia says “I love you” and Han says “I know” except then Han knocks over everything on my desk
— AAAHH! Real Kendras (@kendrawcandraw) September 13, 2016